Pastor's Corner February 2021: Sex-Positive Christianity

Please note: This article contains sexually explicit content.

In our American culture, sex is pervasive in entertainment, media, and advertising. Yet so many have difficulty openly discussing sexuality. Our bodies were designed for pleasure, yet we have been indoctrinated by a culture that tells us that pleasure, desire, and sex are dangerous and taboo. Especially Christians. Especially women. And most especially,  Christian women.

As a minister I want to help challenge cultural norms surrounding sexual health. I believe that sex-negative Christianity is bad for people. I know that we can do better. That’s why I am part of the Incarnation Institute for Sex & Faith. IISF offers an intensive training that partners clergy with sex therapists and educators, so that they can inform each others work with Christian clients.

Growing up, I did not get much information about sex from my parents. But like most teenagers, I did get the warning that unprotected pre-marital sex would lead to pregnancy and ruin my future. Nothing about the joy, beauty, and gift of it all. No dictates about the importance of learning what is pleasurable to me. No messages about centering my values and desires above those of any romantic suitor.

Starting in 8th grade I was part of a college prep program that required me to attend school for six weeks each summer on a college campus. In addition to math and English classes we attended a Sex Ed class - one class for the boys and another for the girls. The girls’ class was taught by a woman named Susan, who was obviously a former hippie. She was the first adult I ever heard be frank about sex.

At the time it seemed like Susan was going for shock value, but as an adult I realize that was far from her aim. I’ll never forget the day she asked us, “Have you ever tasted yourself?” We were confused, shocked, and giggly about the question. She went on to make the point that you shouldn’t ask a partner to do something that you aren’t willing to do yourself. She was trying to teach us empathy and the importance of viewing sex not only from our perspective, but also from the perspective of our partner. She was trying to teach us that nothing about our bodies or self-exploration is disgusting. She was trying to teach us that nothing is unspeakable.

As you can imagine, Susan’s message has stuck with me. What was even more meaningful than the content of her lessons was her willingness to state what she believed about sex in matter-of-fact ways. It was clearly her aim to prepare young people to be in the world as well informed sexual beings. This should be our collective aim. Especially Christians. Especially women. And most especially, Christian women.

This anecdote might not be what you expect to read in a church newsletter. Trust me, shock value is not my aim either. So why did I share this particular story? I want to model the importance of frank discussions about sexuality. The stigmatization of sex as wrong or bad is problematic and we contribute to it when we avoid open discussions to keep people from being uncomfortable.

What messages did you get about sexuality growing up? How did those messages lead to harm or to sexual wellness? What steps can we take, individually and collectively, to prepare young people to be well informed sexual beings? What conversations are we responsible for in order to counter Christian dogma that has harmed so many? Let’s think about this together and keep talking. Nothing is unspeakable if we are to banish shame, heal together, and tell the truth.

If the topics presented in this article are of interest to you or if they bring up complicated feelings about sexuality, you are invited to reach out to me at tennantpriscilla@gmail.com or any of the pastors. We can either talk one-on-one or create a community space for further discussions about sex and faith.